Guest post: Social Media and Self-Comparison: A Problematic Pairing

Written by: Erin, English (BA) graduate

I studied English at university, and a massive proportion of my degree relied on me making comparisons, between authors, poets and playwrights, and between art, texts and films. When used correctly, comparison is a powerful tool, allowing us to think critically about the work we’re looking at and make sense of the world. However, allowing this practice to seep into our everyday lives can often have a huge impact on our mental health and wellbeing, and there is one place where this self-comparison is rampant: social media. Whilst a competitive drive can – at times – be incredibly motivating, allowing it to take over can have a significant effect on our mood. Since graduating, I’ve found that this has become especially true. In the strange, unusual climate we currently live in, many graduates have found themselves in jobs they didn’t expect and career pathways they never planned. It’s become very easy to get lost in self-comparison. Therefore, it’s more important than ever to be aware of comparison’s challenging relationship to mental health. 

There are many reasons that our generation have become pros at self-comparison, and I believe the main one is our collective reliance on technology. Thanks to the endless features offered by apps such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, it has become almost impossible not to remain in a constant state of awareness of exactly where your friends are, what they’re doing and how fun it looks. We’re more connected than ever, which has proven indispensable as we tackle Covid-19 measures and endless social distancing. Yet, an unfavourable result of this limitless connectivity is the ease at which we can now compare our lives to those around us. Effortless past time or not, it’s undoubtable that if you’re feeling low, scrolling through your news feed isn’t often the mood-boost you’re in need of. What’s more, we often forget that everything posted there has been edited specifically to paint its subjects in the most positive light, making any comparisons all the more damaging to our confidence. 

As a recent graduate myself, I feel as though this has become a more significant problem since leaving university. Most of my fellow grad friends have headed in separate directions, moving to other parts of the country (or even other parts of the world), meaning that social media has become one of the only means of communication that we can maintain. As a result, it has become almost customary to obsess over how differently others’ lives seem to be panning out. Personally, after such a multitude of time spent in education, measuring myself against other members of my cohort is practically second nature. Graduating into a global pandemic, mass unemployment and resultantly, a lot of confusion and stress, has highlighted how this method of easy comparison between myself and fellow students is both an impossible and futile task. Yet, although I know I have achieved great things, social media encourages me to continue this practice; I often find myself concerned with what others appear to be achieving, or how much fun they appear to be having. Ultimately, relying on social media as my main reference point for how well I’m doing has most definitely led to difficulties with my self-esteem and self-worth. 

So, what can we do to prevent social media’s stimulation of self-comparison? I’m not going to suggest detoxing altogether. Having an online presence is inevitable nowadays, and the achievements of others can be inspiring. However, it is key to be mindful of our social media use, and the impact it might be having on our mental health, remembering that our worth is not dependent on how we relate to others. Setting and celebrating personal goals is a much worthier use of your time than lamenting upon your friend’s Instagram feed, and provides a much healthier source of self-esteem than tracking likes and comments. Furthermore, even though it can be impossible (especially at the moment) to reduce the time you spend online, maintaining a sense of what is real and what is manufactured is crucial if you want to use social media in a healthy way. 

Social media is simultaneously the best and worth thing that’s happened to our generation. To prevent its burnout, it’s essential we begin to utilise it in the healthiest way possible and stop the self-comparison!  

Meet the gals behind the Scrunchie Studio

I asked some questions to the gals behind the Scrunchie Studio - Hannah, a Psychology graduate from Manchester Metropolitan University, and Cece who is originally from Denmark. The Srunchie Studio is an independent online store home to some great handmade and upcycled scrunchies with some really lovely designs! Check them out on: 

Instagram

Etsy

When did the Scrunchie Studio come alive and what was the idea behind it?

Cece and I have always loved scrunchies. The initial idea came about when we were having a clear-out of old clothes back in May. We found an old crop top that had doughnuts on, and we thought hey, this would make CUTE scrunchies! We taught ourselves how to make them, the idea struck us that we should start making our own scrunchies from old clothes instead of buying material. I love all things sustainable and Cece is brilliant at sewing, so we put our minds together and the Scrunchie Studio came alive. We love the idea of upcycling, it gives our customers the satisfaction of shopping sustainably whilst helping a small business. 3 out of 5 fast fashion items end up in landfills, and we love that we are helping the environment one scrunchie at a time. 

What’s been the most exciting part of setting up your own business? 

I suppose seeing our ideas come to life, we are pretty much scrunchie mad now! Whenever we go thrift shopping, we look out for beautiful patterns and materials we think people will love. It's so exciting seeing the result after the hard work we put in, we always end up keeping one ourselves! We set up our online shop for the Scrunchie Studio in October, it was so exciting to see our creations online, and always so rewarding to see how much people are loving them. It makes us really excited to keep making more and coming up with new ideas. We have recently launched scrunchie sets and gift boxes and we cannot wait to watch the business grow. It’s also made our friendship stronger, it’s so much fun working with one of your closest friends. Plus, being able to say that something is yours that you have started from the ground up is a beautiful feeling.

What’s been the most challenging part of setting up your own business? 

Definitely time management. Me and Cece work full time, I work in a college with special educational needs and Cece works in shipping. We have got into the habit of setting time aside for the business, anyone who handmakes items will know that it is much more time consuming than you think. It is pretty much like working two jobs, as soon as we finish work we are making scrunchies! Finding time to relax is challenging, we are always tired but we love what we do. 

Do you have any goals you want to achieve with the Scrunchie Studio? 

We would love to see how the Scrunchie Studio evolves, it's so exciting that we have only been open just under a month and we have other businesses supporting us and wanting to get involved. Me and Cece often think about where we could take the business, we love the idea of maybe distributing our stock in other local shops. We would also really love to build the brand name and have a website of our own instead of using a selling platform. 

What do you love most about the Scrunchie Studio?

It’s really hard to name just one, but we love the fact we are sustainable, even our logo stickers are made from recycled paper! We love how every scrunchie we make is unique, we take pride in the attention to detail in our scrunchies, and Cece packages them so beautifully. We love seeing happy customers and seeing people involved with the business, we offer anyone with unwanted clothes that they send them our way and we’ll handmake them a scrunchie for free. The small business community is also really humbling, I love the support we provide one another. Starting the Scrunchie Studio has also made us see Social Media in a new light, Social Media can be negative and judgemental, but I love that our page is filled with nothing but support and appreciation for what we do, and we give support right back!

How can people follow you and support your business? 

SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESSES! It's so easy to support small businesses, even a like or a share of our posts is hugely appreciated by us. We are on Instagram @StudioScrunchie. Follow, like and tell your friends about us! Think of us if you fancy giving someone a unique Christmas present, a friend’s birthday, or just to treat yourself! Favourite us on Etsy @ScunchieStudioGB. When you’re supporting a small business your kindness and purchases go a long way. 

What books have we been enjoying recently? (Collab post)

The first lockdown of the year was when I reconnected with my love for reading... Reading has been a great escape from all things 2020 and has been a great coping mechanism for me. I have started scrolling Goodreads more than Twitter (!!) and wanted to share some of the books I've read and loved that I think you may love, too. And I've enlisted the help of fellow grad, Ellen, who runs 'graduatereads' over on Instagram where she posts some beautifully written reviews of so many genres of books! Ellen is an English Language and Literature graduate who graduated from Liverpool Hope University back in 2019! It was great to collaborate with Ellen on this post and I hope you enjoy x 

Ellen’s recommendation: Out Of Love by Hazel Hayes

This is a story about heartbreak, but not in the way you would think. You start with a breakup and you expect to watch a young woman put herself back together again, to watch her discover her worth outside of that relationship (think Elle Woods in Legally Blonde). However, in this story we start with heartbreak and move backwards, reading about how the protagonist existed purely as a part of that relationship, how she and her partner functioned as a pair. It’s devastating in itself learning to learn to love this relationship knowing it’s doomed to fail, yet despite that, this is one of the most inspiring and, surprisingly, reassuring books I have ever read. It made me believe that I could survive anything that life might throw at me. We don’t see the protagonist survive her break up, but by reading into her past, we know that she will, because she has struggled and suffered before and made it to the other side. We don’t see her survive, just as we don’t get to peer into our own future and see ourselves survive, we can only look back and rely on our past experiences to know that we have the strength to get through it. I honestly can’t recommend this book enough!  Whether you’ve been through a breakup or not, this book will find some way to resonate with you. It’s so beautifully written and manages to weave its way into your life - I haven’t stopped thinking about since I finished reading! 

Rebecca’s recommendation: Ghosts by Dolly Alderton 

I haven’t read a book so quickly! It was so easy to get into and so difficult to put down. At the start of the first lockdown, I read Dolly’s ‘Everything I know about love’ and I fell in love with her style of writing and couldn’t wait to read her latest and debut novel, Ghosts. As is the unfortunate norm with online dating, ‘ghosting’ can be a regular occurrence, and definitely something I’ve experienced and been crushed by. Ghosts is a truthful look at the impact ‘ghosting’ can have on your confidence and self-esteem, it can drive you nuts, and Alderton beautifully portrayed this as we were introduced to Nina George Dean, a 30-something food writer who falls head over heels for her online dating match, Max. All going well, Nina and Max are inseparable, he even drops the L bomb… and then, as you can guess by the title, the inevitable happens. What comes next is a beautiful account of what is a messy experience… Alderton approaches ghosting from a ‘what is wrong with the ghoster’ point of view, which is something we can often forget to think about when we internalise such an experience and see it as something wrong with us. We see Nina post-ghosting reevaluating her life, what's important, and who's important. I loved it, it was relatable, funny, easy reading and an all round great book!  

Ellen’s recommendation: My Name Is Why by Lemn Sissay

My Name Is Why is Lemn Sissay’s account of his first eighteen years, spent bouncing between various institutions and care homes. He describes it as the story of how a government, which he calls “The Institution,” stole him as a baby and essentially imprisoned him for his entire childhood. This is not a fun book to read, but my goodness is it a brilliant one. Lemn interspersed his own personal accounts with scanned documents from social workers and council officials, which offer an insight into ‘the bigger picture’ that a child is not privy to at the time. You would hope that the bigger picture would show a network of adults and professionals all trying to do what’s best for that child, unfortunately, it doesn’t and more often than not it shows a system of lies and deliberate mistreatment. It is highly emotional and harrowing to read through his trauma, but also enlightening and inspiring. I was already aware of Lemn’s poetry before reading this book and whilst he is at times incredibly blunt, you can definitely feel his poetic voice creeping through. I would definitely recommend this book to everyone even though I finished it feeling angry. Thankfully, there are plenty of resources included at the end, so you can direct your anger into something productive and helpful.

Rebecca’s recommendation: The Insecure Girls Handbook by Liv Purvis

I have followed the Insecure Girls Club on Instagram for a while, and I decided to download the audiobook version of the Insecure Girls Handbook recently and loved it so much. Purvis covers everything from body image, our inner critic, comparison and friendships and shares some great hints and tips for facing some of the issues us insecure gals can often face. What I loved about the Insecure Girls Handbook was the fact not only does Purvis account her own experiences of dealing with insecurities, but she brings in other members of this ‘club’ to do the same… It doesn’t matter who you are, where in your life you are, or what you’ve achieved, we are all going to face these issues at some point in our lives, because we’re all human. I always enjoy books like this because there’s always one piece of advice that resonates and that you can take away and use in your own life… And I took plenty from this book!

Ellen’s recommendation: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell

This is the very deserving winner of the Women’s Prize for Fiction 2020! It tells the story of Shakespeare’s son who tragically passed away at a very young age, and who likely inspired the play ‘Hamlet’. I listened to this novel as an audiobook and absolutely adored it; it’s full of so much care and love. The story is split into a before and after. Maggie O’Farrell beautifully builds up the family relationships and the setting in the first half, I particularly enjoyed getting to know Agnes, Hamnet’s mother, and found her to be such a unique and magical character. In the second half we watch the family grieve and come to terms with the death of a young boy, and the impact this has on their relationships and daily lives. I really liked how Shakespeare is never mentioned by name - quite frankly he has had his time to shine and this story isn’t about him, it’s about the family as a whole. I also really enjoyed the focus on the twin relationship and what happens when one of a set of twins passes away. Not a single word in this novel has been wasted, every second felt important and wonderful and I can absolutely understand why it has received such high acclaim in the literary world.

Rebecca’s recommendation: City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert 

Before reading City of Girls, I hadn’t been familiar with Elizabeth Gilbert’s work (I am still yet to read/watch Eat Pray Love!). I picked up City of Girls during a lockdown trip to Sainsbury’s, not sure what to expect… I didn’t even read the blurb (I definitely judged the book by it’s cover in this case) but was so pleasantly surprised. City of Girls is written from Vivian Morris’ perspective as an older woman looking back on her time in New York during the 40s, writing to someone whose identity isn’t revealed until the end (it's a bit of a plot twist). It’s a really exciting read and takes place in the ‘Lily Playhouse’, a theatre that's struggling to stay alive owned by Vivian’s aunt. We hear all about Vivian’s experience of living her late teens/early twenties in the city, experiencing freedom, exploring her passion for costume design, falling in love, and making big mistakes. You’re taken on a journey with Vivian, and you come to fall in love (and out of love) with the characters who follow along. Following the twists and turns of Vivian’s life, you feel like you’re living vicariously through her in 1940s NYC. I loved it and I would definitely recommend it! 

Guest post: Challenges of graduate life and how you can overcome them (Niraj, MORSE (BSc) graduate)

Image source: https://www.instagram.com/analogbynat/

Hi everyone my name is Niraj and I am so excited to be writing for Rebecca’s blog today! To say a bit about myself, I graduated from Warwick University this year, having studied MORSE (Mathematics, Operational Research, Statistics and Economics). I have just started a graduate scheme at an actuarial consultancy. Post-graduate life can be tough, whether you enjoyed your time at university or not. This blog post talks about some of the most challenging things about post-graduate life, and I will also try and give some tips on how you can go about overcoming these challenges.

Maintaining friendships

At university, when you made friends it was often pretty easy to maintain them, as you were fairly nearby to your university friends, and therefore it wasn’t too hard arranging fun things to do with them. However, I found that it was quite hard to maintain all of my university friendships after graduation, and this was for two main reasons. Firstly, a good number of my university friends don’t live near me, so even if there was no pandemic, it would still require effort to arrange a face to face catch up. I live in London, but I have friends that live in places such as Norwich, Birmingham, and Wales. I also have university friends that don’t live in the UK! The second reason is that we are all busy with full-time jobs, as well as other responsibilities. Therefore, any catch-up, whether it is over a video call or face to face would have to be planned around that, and this has proved tricky in a lot of cases. I actually wrote a separate blog post on the challenge of maintaining friendships, which can be found here.

It is hard not to be able to see and interact with your university friends as much as you used to, and it’s perfectly ok to feel sad about this. However, one tip I would give that helped me is to plan and schedule catch-ups in advance, rather than rely on spontaneous plans. As I currently work a full-time job, I tend to use the weekdays to schedule weekend plans with friends. Having advance notice of when I am meeting or even video calling friends allows me to plan things around that. 

Adapting to a different lifestyle

I feel that the lifestyle at university is very specific and unique to university life and that things do change after graduation. For a lot of students that I know, this change has proved tricky. Some have felt a loss of freedom and independence by going back to their family home. Others thrived with having a daily routine at university, and now they are struggling to deal with the lack of routine after graduation. I appreciate that every university student has had their own experience when it has come to leaving the university lifestyle and adapting to a new one. Personally, I have found this to be the hardest part of leaving university, and something that was a shock to the system after 4 years at university.

The best piece of advice I would give here is to use this change as an opportunity to do things you wouldn’t have done at university. I do understand that this is easier said than done, however, it is not impossible. When I finished university, I met up with school friends, started blogging again, and started reading. All of these are fun but things I didn’t really have time to do at university. I also started my new job which I really enjoy. Reframing your mind to think about the opportunities that come with the post-university lifestyle helps you with having a positive mindset, which is great for wellbeing. 

Comparing yourself with others – This is a big one. It’s very easy for me to say how you shouldn’t compare yourself with others. However, with technology and social media being a massive part of our lives, most of us inevitably fall into the comparison trap. Comparison with others is a particularly big issue after graduation. You may be struggling to find a job, and then reading posts on LinkedIn or Facebook about your friends getting their dream jobs can make you feel down. This is because you can end up comparing yourself to your friends that have jobs, and feel behind as a result. You are all amazing people in your own unique way, and sometimes social media and comparison can make it hard to recognise this. Furthermore, comparing yourself to others can be detrimental to your mental health and wellbeing.

In terms of advice, I am not going to say that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, as this is easier said than done, and even I do it from time to time. However, what I would say is the things that people tell you or share on social media is never the full story. People generally only share the good things that have happened in their lives, but everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Therefore, even the people that seem to have it all figured out will have things that are not so good in their lives.

I hope this blog post helps and that you are all keeping well. Post-graduation can be a tough time, and it is so important to prioritise your mental health and wellbeing. Remember that there is support out there, and I am always happy to talk to you on nirajshah2003@gmail if you feel that you are struggling.  

 

Read more of Niraj's posts: https://niraj.home.blog/

Meet: Kate - History (BA) graduate

 

After recently publishing an article for Student Minds on the Power of Graduates Coming Together, I connected with Kate, History BA (Hons) graduate from the class of 2019 at The University of Newcastle. I chatted to Kate about her experience of graduating below. 

Kate also published a piece on Student Minds titled Embracing A Challenge: How to Enjoy The Unknown. Kate discusses how to embrace the challenges that university throws at you - and a lot of her advice can be tailored to life outside of university, with one of her tips being 'Say No to Self-sabotage'. I definitely recommend you give it a read! 

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1) How were you preparing to graduate – did you have a plan for your next steps?

My final year at Newcastle University was my favourite by far. It was full of constant essay writing (and research for my looming dissertation deadline!), weekly volunteering on Newcastle Student Radio and socializing with friends. Although it was all great fun, in hindsight, I always had the idea of travelling as my next step, which helped me get through those 9am lectures and 5,000 word essay deadlines!

I always felt like I was on a treadmill from sixth form to graduation, so going travelling was the release I wanted from education. After consistently saving money every month I booked a flight to Vietnam during a dissertation crisis in the library - as you do! I think this gave me a bit of willpower to push through my two final semesters and make the most of the limited time I had left as a student. 

2) What was your experience like searching for jobs once you had your degree?

Once I got home from Vietnam, I began my job search. It was a little stressful! I still had the travel bug, yet I was conscious that I needed to get the ball rolling on the job front. Whilst I volunteered at a local hospital radio station in my spare time, I was lucky enough to be offered a paid runners position at a television production company for a month or so before Christmas 2019. This was perfect as it allowed me to gain some valuable experience and put some money aside for my trip to Australia in January 2020. 

However, when I returned from Down Under, Covid19 really threw a spanner into the works – something that we are all still living through!  Few industries are recruiting at the moment and the job search, for not just graduates, has temporarily halted. Covid has put my voluntary position at a local radio station on hold due to social distancing measures, so I am staying productive during the interim by working part time as a sales assistant and childminder. For the most part, I feel Covid19 has been a bit of a blessing and a curse. It has made me realise how I was most probably guilty of living a tad in the future and not so much in the present.

In an ideal world, I’d love to pursue a career in radio production or journalism. I feel, especially in broadcast media, your job is like a portfolio whereby you’re involved in lots of different projects often at the same time. I think this can be attributed to when you enter this industry and apply for a job too – there's often no direct route, which can be incredibly disheartening. 

3) Did you have any worries about graduating – if so, what were they?

I wasn’t so worried about graduating, but more so, rather excited that I had accomplished such a personal goal of mine to read History at university. The fact that both ‘the end’ was in close sight and that I would never be able to replicate my university years was an extremely weird prospect for me. The idea of ‘adulting’ and finding ‘the job’ made me slightly terrified upon graduating – it still does, argh! 

4) What has been the most exciting part of leaving university and education behind?

At times I’m guilty of getting wrapped up in the rat race of searching for a job, the concept of making the most of my twenties and finding out who I am as a person, but the idea that ‘the world is your oyster’ (cliché, I know!) is so exciting to me. Albeit part time, the fact I’m earning every month is empowering. I can save money during this lull and make arrangements for big financial commitments in the future.

5) What has been the least exciting/challenging part of being outside of education? 

I think the least exciting part of being outside of education is that....really, life isn’t any different. I was naively expecting a crescendo moment, but essentially, I still feel like I’m the same person. I don’t think I’ve changed in my motivation to achieve certain personal goals, but life away from what was my old life (sob!) can annoyingly be a little mundane and routine driven. 

6) Is there anything about the ‘real world’ you didn’t expect/weren’t prepared for?

One word: Lockdown. I was nowhere near prepared for what was ahead of me when I returned from Australia – nobody was, for that matter! Life has now become so uncertain and the circumstances make it so difficult to plan ahead. The one thing I’ve learned working under these current circumstances is that no matter what you are doing and where you are working, learning to adapt to a new environment and taking every day as it comes is so important. Find the excitement in the unknown – at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself!

7) Do you have any particular goals you want to reach in your life outside of education?

To have a purpose and feel wanted. In the broader context, as cringe as it sounds, I want to be happy and content within my future work environment. Everything has a domino effect on each other. 

8) Is there anything you wish you had been told about leaving university?

Truth be told: the transition is scary...and nobody tells you. It’s such a taboo subject. Your life doesn’t all click into place as soon as you drive back home after three years or so away ‘doing your own thing’. Learning ‘how to adult’ is tricky. I don’t think you ever really know what you’re doing, no matter what stage you are in life. Everybody is in the same boat, and more so now, the same storm! Be kind to yourself. 

9) Three words to describe your transition from university?

Daunting. Fun. Exciting.

10) Any tips for surviving outside the university bubble? 

Despite my limited time outside of the ‘bubble’ (coming up to a year and a half!), I would stress don’t be afraid to show people that you are eager to learn. One of my biggest qualms is that job descriptions for junior positions often include ‘experience necessary'. This can make you feel so frustrated, as a recent graduate like myself, doesn’t always have this requirement. Willingness to take up unpaid jobs could help you gain similar experience, which could prove valuable in the future. Remember, take every day at your own pace and listen to your gut instinct if something doesn’t feel right. You never know, something new could lead you onto the right path – and add another string to your bow!

The Power of Graduates Coming Together

*Taken from my recent post for Student Minds: The Power of Graduates Coming Together*

Coming out of university is pretty scary. There are so many expectations (from yourself and others), so many comparisons to make to other graduates, and so many obstacles to overcome. I remember when I finished my undergraduate degree in 2017, I couldn’t focus on my success, I could only focus on the fact I was having to move back to my family home, and I hadn’t yet secured a ‘grad role’, in fact, I had no idea what I wanted to do. This to me was one big fat failure in trying to be the adult I was now expected to be. My mental health really took a turn for the worst. 

Not knowing what I wanted to do, I jumped at the chance of going into a funded research degree. That sweet relief of two more years to hide away from the real world and all its responsibilities. I decided to research the transition out of university into the ‘real world’ - for obvious reasons. I wanted to see if I was alone in my feelings of utter dread and uncertainty. 

I interviewed 20 different graduates from different degree backgrounds. I spoke to them about their experiences in university, how they did/didn’t prepare for making the transition, how they had found their transition so far - positive and negative, and what they wish they had known. I found talking to other graduates both fascinating and comforting. It was difficult to keep myself separate and away from my research, and difficult to not turn around and be like ‘I FEEL THE SAME!!’ when people validated my own concerns/anxieties. For example, my interviewees reported feeling they had returned to being a child when they moved back home with parents. They struggled to handle job rejections - thinking they’re degree would have secured them roles, they faced job stigma (i.e. ‘when are you going to get a ‘proper job’?) and all in all, feeling a little lost and vulnerable without the university bubble. I asked graduates how they managed to cope with all these feelings of uncertainty and all of the difficulties they faced, the vast majority of interviewees disclosed feeling some comfort in knowing others’ were ‘in the same boat’. 

In university, it’s easy to feel part of a community. There’s no comfort like being in the library late at night rushing to finish an assignment and looking around to see other students doing the same, fuelled by caffeine and stress. There’s no comfort like moaning to your course mates about student finance, or about referencing and word counts. You can all relate to each other, some way or another. And you’re all on the same path, with the same goal. Work hard to finish university and get your degree. It’s when you get out of university when it all gets a bit messy. 

With my mental health taking a hit, feeling lost and those well-documented ‘graduate blues, I set up One Oh One. A place to share my graduate experience, to interview other graduates, and share advice/tips for surviving the real world and for looking after your mental health. My platform is not the only one existing out there, only further highlighting the need for graduates to feel connected, and to reach out for the advice and support we often lack once leaving behind education. There are platforms out there that are set up to share CV writing tips - offering free consultancies - platforms to support graduates in the events agency, platforms to support and highlight the achievements of female graduates, and BAME graduates. There are platforms to support graduate mental health, job searching, and just general advice. Once you graduate university, the support network and student community you have been used to for all your years in education, completely vanishes. 

Communities like mine, and the others which are cropping up feel like one big peer support group - a bunch of graduates trying to survive for the first time without their support bubbles, and clinging together in a world that is often unrelenting to those fresh from university. Where the university support ends, graduates are pulling together to keep it going. You can feel so alone when you come out of university, you can feel like you’re falling behind (though there is no race), you can feel like the world wants you to fail. It can really impact on your mental health, as it did mine. It is so refreshing to be able to connect with so many different graduates, to hear their advice, to see the realities of the real world, and most importantly, to feel less alone.

Some other great articles on Student Minds you may like: 

Uncertainty Amidst Covid-19

Imposter Syndrome

Guest post: Erin - English Graduate (BA), 'Imposter Syndrome: What is it, and how do we overcome it?'

Image source: instagram.com/emmatterbury

Imposter syndrome is something most people will experience in their lifetime - whether in their working life or personal life. Our guest blogger, Erin, a recent English (BA) graduate, sums up beautifully how it feels to enter the working world whilst battling feelings of imposter syndrome, and shares how she's found ways to handle it. 

Erin has previously written for One Oh One about her experience of graduating in the middle of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. You can read that here. 

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Having recently begun my first post-graduate job, the last few weeks have been filled with huge learning moments. However, two weeks ago, when sitting in a meeting with my line manager, I had perhaps the biggest one of them all. ‘Try not to compare yourself to (insert name of much older colleague here). She’s been doing this for years, and you’ve just begun, in the middle of a pandemic, no less.’ He told me after I expressed my worries that I wasn’t as capable of working as independently as she was. It was then and there that I realised, I was beating myself up for not being an expert in a role that I’d been in for a month, allowing myself to worry that I wasn’t intelligent enough, experienced enough, or good enough to do a job that I had, actually, been coping incredibly well with. 

In the world of psychology, this feeling has been termed ‘imposter syndrome’. Essentially, it’s the feeling that you don’t belong within a workspace, the feeling that your achievements are the result of chance and luck, and the feeling that you don’t deserve the recognition you’re receiving. If you find yourself feeling like you might have tricked your employers into believing in you, that you shouldn’t be placing such a high value upon your work or that you are undeserving of a break because ‘well, I don’t work that hard anyway’, then you might be suffering from imposter syndrome. But why could this be?

Research has suggested that graduates in particular are significantly more likely to experience this feeling. In school – and even in university – we are constantly provided with proof of our achievements, be it in the form of grades, feedback from teachers and professors, awards, etc. Within such an environment, it’s easy to pinpoint the areas in which you’ve done well, and where you might need to improve. However, as soon we leave the education bubble, we are forced into a world where the only person judging our work may be, at times, ourselves. At this stage, it may become increasingly difficult to see yourself as a valued member of your team, especially when you aren’t receiving personally tailored feedback for every task you complete. This can be even more true for those belonging to groups whose competence in certain fields is often brought into question. Women and ethnic minorities – I’m looking at you. 

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that whilst these feelings are completely normal, they’re most definitely holding you back. Here are some simple steps that I have taken to curtail that familiar wave of self-doubt: 

• Remembering that I’m not alone. It may not seem like it, but your co-workers, your managers, the people in the media that you look up to? they’ve all experienced this feeling before. Having a look at people you admire and reminding yourself that they have also felt like an imposter at some point can sometimes be enough to rid yourself of the insecurity. It can also be helpful to share these thoughts with colleagues if you feel comfortable doing so. Rest assured, they will probably remind you of all the reasons that you do belong in your role. 

• Stopping the comparison. This isn’t school anymore; you and your colleagues didn’t all take the same maths test with easily comparable results. Without a doubt, there will be nobody around you at work with an identical history, facing identical challenges. Therefore, comparison is your worst enemy! Instead, try to own your personal accomplishments (no matter how small). Was today the first day you didn’t have to get your line-manager to check a draft before you sent it? That’s an accomplishment, so celebrate it!

• Not allowing the self-doubt to impact my decisions. Whilst it may be impossible to avoid that nagging feeling of ‘I’m a fraud!’ when you come across a task you simply can’t complete, it is possible to ensure that you don’t allow that doubt to stop you from taking action. Remember, asking for help doesn’t make you any less deserving of your role. 

• Lastly, reminding myself how far I’ve already come. At eighteen years old, I remember thinking that the idea of writing a dissertation was so terrifying that I would never complete a degree. There was probably a day when you, too, didn’t think you were capable enough to finish something, let alone do well. Making a list of all the things you have achieved, rather than focusing on what you haven’t, is a sure-fire way to stop feeling like you’ve failed.

Help! Handling job interview anxiety

Job interviews at the best of times are nerve-wracking experiences, everyone will experience anxiety to some degree - that’s totally normal. Of course, this can be amplified if you struggle with your anxiety on a day-to-day basis! 

I have always hated job interviews, I remember my very first interview for a sales assistant position at 16, god, I was so nervous, I didn’t eat for 24 hours. Safe to say, I absolutely flunked it, and got the call the same day to tell me I had been unsuccessful (brutal). I vowed to never go to a job interview again, feeling totally ashamed I couldn’t answer their question of, ‘where in the store is best to display our new handheld fan collection, and should we put the batteries next to the display or away?’ 

But of course, you can’t avoid job interviews, unfortunately, you just have to learn how to handle them!

Until I was 22, most of my job interviews were for part-time roles in stores or cafes, my first big interview was for an Educational Support Assistant role at a local sixth form college. Getting that interview was definitely a ‘right place at the right time’ sort of situation, after inquiring about work experience and being told they had a vacancy if I was interested. I’d gone in to speak, unofficially, with the SENCo of the college to ask more about the role, and knew straight away that I definitely wanted to apply. She pretty much told me on that day that she’d be up for hiring me, but we had to go through the official route of applying/interviewing, ‘there will only be 3 people on the interview panel!’ yeah, 3 people too many to my anxious brain! I really thought I would have gotten away with not having an interview, after explaining how I often struggled with anxiety, she was incredibly understanding and reassured me that she would be there, and she’d fight my corner. 

Going into that interview, yes I was nervous, but also felt some comfort knowing that I’d already impressed ⅓ of the panel, and just had to do the same with the others. The whole interview, I could feel my throat closing in, I was shaking, but I got through it and I received a call the same day to say I had been successful RESULT! I worked there from 2018 to the start of this year. 

The last time I had an interview was for my current role at a university. I hadn’t been sure at the time whether I wanted to attend, because I loved the job that I was in - I had been applying at a time where I was interested to see what other opportunities were out there with my experience, not expecting any results. Anyway, I received an invite to attend an interview, and at that point, I wanted nothing more than to avoid the whole situation and stay in the comfort of my familiar role. I was so close to saying no, feeling sick at the prospect of having to go and sit opposite a panel of people asking me questions I might not be able to answer (*flashbacks to the handheld fan*). But, I figured, my anxiety and clear desire to steer clear of interviews was just definite proof I needed more experience. And plus, I was interested in hearing more about the role I had applied for. 

I spent the time before my interviewing researching the role, pulling apart the job description to write about how my current experiences and skills matched up to the job role, and I tried to imagine the sort of questions they would ask me. As you expect, the usual suspects ‘tell me about a time you have successfully handled conflict’, ‘what are your strengths/weaknesses’? As had happened in my very first interview, I didn’t eat anything the day before - god bless physical symptoms of anxiety, and couldn’t face any sort of food/drink the morning of. I had planned my route, I would drive to work, park up, spend an hour in work answering emails, meeting students, and then walk across for my interview.

I spent that morning at work crying in the toilets for pure fear of going to the interview, for fear of being offered the job, and needing to decide what to do. I remember my colleagues having to hype me up to leave, reminding me how I would smash it and that they were proud of me. I spent the walk to the interview trying to hype myself up. It failed miserably, as I sat directly outside the building I was supposed to interview in having a HUGE panic attack. Despite the fact I was incredibly embarrassed to be having this experience in public, worrying the people interviewing me would see me, I was paralysed by anxiety and couldn’t move. At that point, I wanted to admit defeat, I couldn’t go in. 

I sat there for about 5 minutes, trying to calm myself down. And perhaps the strongest inside voice I had ever heard, appeared out of nowhere and said ‘Nope, you’re not doing this to me anymore. You’re not winning’. And just like that, I stood up, wiped my tears, hoped my make-up hadn’t smudged too much, took a deep breath, and walked into the building. I had NEVER felt that strong and determined, and there was no fight back from my anxious voice, it was like I had taken it by surprise! To this day, I can’t believe how quickly I was able to pick myself up.

As soon as the interview began, my anxiety began to dissipate, it didn’t disappear completely and there were times where I couldn’t answer a question and I wanted the ground to swallow me, but I survived. And all the while I couldn’t believe my strength. I felt like saying to the panel, I was a broken mess outside just 2 minutes ago, and look at me go!!! As I’ve already made clear, I did get the role! And to this day, I am immensely proud of myself, because I could so easily have left that day and missed out on this opportunity. 

SO after all this - what tips do I have for handling your anxiety in a job interview?

- Prepare, not just the night before! Sit with the job description, try to apply your experience and skills to explain why you could meet the expectations/specification. 

- Know where your interview is taking place, sort out your route ahead of time, and give yourself plenty of time, you don’t want to be rushing!

- Before going into the interview, take deep breaths.

- Avoid caffeine before your interview, if you already struggle with interview nerves, adding caffeine will amplify all the physical symptoms and can make it difficult for you to relax

- Research the company, if they ask you why you want to work for them - can you highlight parts of the company values which match with yours? 

- It’s okay to not understand a question, ask if they can rephrase. If you still don’t understand what they mean when they’re asking where they should place the handheld fans, hold your hands-up, admit defeat, and explain you are unable to answer. You could say: ‘I’m really sorry, I am unable to answer that question right now, am I able to come back to this at the end of the interview?’ This can buy you some time to think, or you could say ‘I’m sorry, I am unable to provide you an answer to that question’. You’re only human, not everyone has the answer to everything, we’re not Alexa.

- If you know you fidget a lot, try and take something with you to make it less obvious you are fidgeting, wear a ring that you can play with under the table, or find something discrete to take with you to channel that fidgeting. 

- Maintain eye contact, as scary as it seems - don’t look at the table.

- If they offer you water, take it - if you feel your throat drying up, or you feel yourself becoming particularly anxious, take a sip. 

- It’s okay if you don’t have any questions when they ask, but I would always try and have some banked… Perhaps you could ask what a typical day is like in the office, what they enjoy about working for the company? What sort of opportunities for progression are available? If you’re really at a blank, explain you don’t have any questions at that time, but you would be able to email anything to the relevant people should anything come up. 

- Treat any job interview - no matter how much you want the role - as purely experience, the more pressure you put on yourself to succeed, the more your interview will come across staged and intense, try and relax, of course, you’re aiming for the best outcome, but don’t pressure yourself.

After the interview, take some time to recollect. Don’t be diving straight into any taxing tasks. Reward yourself in some way, remind yourself how proud you are of yourself! Whilst you’re waiting for your result, try not to overthink it. If you get the job - celebrate!! If you are unsuccessful, don’t be too hard on yourself, you did amazing even going to the interview!

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What can you expect from Camp USA? Meet: Leanne - Business Studies graduate (BBS)

https://the-irish-graduate.com/
Instagram: @theisrishgrad
Twitter: @theirishgrad_

Hey there, my name is Leanne and I have recently completed my undergraduate degree in Business Studies from Dublin City University. As part of my degree in my third year, I undertook a 12-month work placement with Irish Rail within their Commercial Department. As I was nearing the end of my placement, I knew I wanted to make the most of my summer before I started my final year and entered “adulthood” thereafter. Most third-level students in Ireland, will at some point go on a J1 to either the US or Canada. I always had an interest in going on a J1 Visa but the traditional J1 experience of working in a bar or bike shop never really appealed to me. That is where the J1 Camp Counselor Visa comes in. Up until this point I had never been away from home for more than two weeks, let alone travel solo. But I was up for the challenge!

I completed the Camp USA application process and I was hired by The Fresh Air Fund as a Leadership and Debate Specialist. Camp Mariah is one of six of camps operated by The Fresh Air Fund who work with children from underserved communities from the five New York City boroughs. The camp I was placed in was unique in that not only was it named after Mariah Carey (who also visited us!) but it is a yearlong Career Awareness Program that consists of activities such as job shadowing and career fairs.

My role in camp saw me teach four 1-hour classes per day as well as having immediate responsibility for 6 campers per session alongside my co-counselor. I was constantly working to improve my lessons as well as attempting to have a meaningful impact on the campers through conversation and the sharing of knowledge in and out of the classroom. Given the class that I was teaching, the scope was there to do so.

At the end of session two, I was named as Specialist of the Session, which was confirmation for me that my main lesson objectives had been met (if campers coming up to me outside of class to talk about debating was not already enough). I also got the opportunity to be the interviewer for Business at the Camp Mariah Career Fair. This event sees campers’ interview in various fields that they are interested in and present completed CVs and cover letters that they have worked on in their Career classes. Both times that I did this I was blown away by the camper’s creativity, expert knowledge, and confidence in their abilities; I could learn a thing or two.

Since returning home there has not been a job application form or interview where my experience in camp did not get a mention. In particular, what makes my experience stand out is how I put my almost 10 years of public speaking and debate experience into practice and developed a leadership program centred around it unlike what had been implemented at the camp previously. Additionally, I had the getup and go, the determination you could say to travel on my own to camp, not exactly knowing what to expect. I made it work as well as making friends for life along the way. Employers want to see drive, initiative and your organisational capabilities, my time in camp will be proof of those things for years to come. 

It was from my time at camp that the idea for The Irish Graduate was born. I wanted to share my journey at camp and all that I had learned in a way that could inspire others to do the same. I was meant to be returning to camp again this summer and then set off on a Graduate Visa to the US which would all have been documented on my blog. Whilst this is no longer the case, that did not stop me. The Irish Graduate has become a platform where I share my less than regular university experience (5-hour daily commutes and college transfers) and share the stories of other graduates in the “My Graduate Life” series. Whilst I may not return to camp next year, I hope my story inspires you to go instead.

So, send in your application, pack your bags and head to camp (post- COVID 19, of course); you and your CV will not regret it!

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Follow Leanne's journey post-university: https://the-irish-graduate.com/

Meet: Jo - Photography (BA) and Psychology (MSc) graduate

Website: https://www.jcphoto.co.uk/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jochukualim_photo/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jo_Chukualim

I’m Jo. I’m 24 and I graduated in 2019 with an MSc in Psychology. Before that, I graduated in 2018 with a BA in Photography.

What has it been like for you, leaving behind university? 

It’s been interesting. I went on to study an MSc once I’d finished my BA degree and then there was this extra layer to my career to figure out. i.e. what does the integration of both my degrees look like in a job? So I ended up on a picture desk at a charity, photographing mental health projects.

Did you have a plan for your life after graduation?

I definitely had plans for my life after graduation. Like everyone else I wanted a stable job where I could be creative and use the skills I’d worked so hard to develop. The problem with university is that it doesn’t explicitly prepare you for life afterwards. I was lucky enough to go to one of the best photography programs in the UK, certainly the best in London at the time but knowing how to navigate the job market was not something that was taught. Even with the difficulties I’ve had, I feel like one of the lucky ones because I started this job navigation thing way before I started my degree. However, without connections, it was still tough.

Funnily enough, everyone talks about the importance of networking but doesn’t really tell you how to do it. Unless you’re super extroverted and feed off talking to many people at once, it’s probably going to take a bit of figuring out.

When did you begin taking photographs?

I started taking photos properly just before A-levels and this was at London College of Fashion on a short course. I didn’t love the course itself but it showed me what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

To you, what makes a good photograph? 

Technically? Good use of light and shadows to create an image with depth. I also need to feel something. I mean it’s incredibly subjective because something that evokes an emotional response from me can mean absolutely nothing to someone else.

Someone pointed out that I tend to shoot people in a vulnerable and somewhat sensual way so I guess those are the kind of images I’m drawn to. If I had to dissect it (with my psychology brain :P), I’d say I was creating images with emotions I didn’t feel safe to explore in the past and felt the only way I could do so was through photography.

What do you enjoy most about the process? 

Connecting with different people. That’s what image-making does for me, it allows me to connect with people I might otherwise not have met or spoken to.

Do you have any particular goals you want to reach in your life outside of education?

A solo exhibition. This was actually set to happen last summer. I had a date, a venue and I’d started printing and planning but I underestimated the toll my masters would take both emotionally and financially. So this is something I’m still looking forward to.

Do you have any goals with your photography? 

At the moment, a solo exhibition is the only thing on my mind and trying to figure out the best way to make that happen. I haven’t created a new project since I left Uni but there’s a lot of work that I’ve done in the past but haven’t shown yet and, looking at them together, I can see that they are all connected.

What is one thing you wish you knew about the ‘real world’ whilst you were still at university? 

That my race and gender would make things harder for me. I thought that my skills and hard work alone would be enough to get me through, that’s how I was raised. I guess I figured the art world was more progressive than it was. The amount of racist and sexist treatment I’ve been on the receiving end of has been shocking. I would have approached the ‘real world’ differently had I known.

Any tips for surviving outside the university bubble? 

Creating a network, especially while you’re at Uni, is important. If you’re like me the word ‘networking’ can seem daunting and a bit confusing but really it’s about finding people who enjoy the same things you do and/or people who think in the same way. So your friends and course mates! They form part of your network. I mean it’s kind of like dating isn’t it? The advice people usually give when you’re looking for someone special is to go to events, exhibitions, or just places that you enjoy and not be afraid to interact with others there. I’ve actually found it easier building a network during lockdown because there’s been a surge in online communities being set up so the awkward dance that happens in person is taken away.

Finding connections is one thing but making those connections work for you is another. Tell people your ideas and share your plans for your career. It might not turn into something immediately but they also have a network and could know someone to help point you in the right direction.

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Graduating in a pandemic - Meet: Erin - English (soon-to-be) graduate (BA)

I’m Erin. I’m twenty-two years old and am about to graduate with a BA in English from Queen Mary University of London. 

1) How have you been spending your time during lockdown?

At first, I was still working on my final essays and dissertation, so was spending around 30 hours a week just planning, writing and editing essays. However, around the time I finished my dissertation, I was offered a job at a local grocery store, so began working there for most of my week! Other than that, I’ve been making my way through years of Netflix recommendations and learning Spanish.

2) How are you feeling about graduating in the middle of this pandemic?
Pretty scared about the possible impact, to be honest. As I’m graduating with an English degree, there is no secure career waiting for me in the outside world. It scares me that certain sectors will most likely be unable to hire for a while, especially since I have been interested in a career in the arts sector or NGO sector for years now, and both have been very badly hit by the pandemic. But, I’m trying to see the positives! Mainly that everyone is in the same boat, and hopefully, once the pandemic finally draws to a close, there will be an influx of jobs in sectors that had to shut down throughout it.

3) Has the current situation impacted any next steps you had planned?
If so, how have you coped with that?
Massively. I had planned to travel to Mexico for an unpaid internship in June, just two weeks after my original dissertation deadline. As a part of the internship, I was going to be working as a journalist with an environmental charity. I had hopes that I could be looking to start my career as soon as I returned in September.

Again, I’ve just tried to look at the positive side. The company I was meant to be working with have been amazing, allowing me to postpone the trip to any later date. I have been able to save a lot more money than I would have been able to simply by working as normal up until June, which means I will be able to travel after the trip, something I wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise. Additionally, by the time I finally make it there, I will hopefully be able to actually speak Spanish, rather than just order a burger.

4) How have you tried to manage the uncertainty I imagine this has left a lot of 2020 graduates with?

I think the only thing you can do is speak to fellow graduates and remind yourself you’re not alone. I have so many friends graduating from a whole variety of degrees who have been forced to change their plans for the near future. Many are planning to stay in part time roles that have no connection to their career plans, a few have been forced to defer or postpone masters courses, a few have completely lost job opportunities. I even have a couple non-British friends that have been forced to return to their home countries and have no idea when they’ll be able to safely return. Knowing that most of my friends are equally as uncertain about where they might be in six months is the main way I can comfort myself. Also, I’m just making the most of time off. I haven’t had this much spare time since I was nineteen years old, so I’m trying to adapt to not guilting myself for spending an entire day off watching Netflix and sewing!

5) Have you been given any specific guidance by your university?

Unfortunately, no. Although that seems to be the case for most of my friends attending different universities. I think students have been left in the lurch a little during this pandemic. My university was particularly unhelpful throughout the final semester, refused furlough to myself and 250+ of student staff, failed to release grades on time, etc. Since my last deadline, we’ve hardly been sent a thing, but at this stage I don’t expect anything less.

6) What plans do you have now?

After waiting for two months to see whether I might make it out to Mexico later this summer/year, I decided I didn’t want to continue with the uncertainty and began looking for graduate roles nearby my hometown. In September, I will now be starting work as an English teaching assistant in a Manchester secondary school. Whilst this isn’t something I ever had planned, I’m grateful I will get the opportunity to gain some experience in schools (as I have considered teaching in the past), and that I will be working solely within a subject that I love dearly. Hopefully, by the time the school year is complete in 2021, I will be able to head out to Mexico just a year later than planned! After that, I have no idea. But I figure that if there is anything that the last few months has taught me, its that plans can change and opportunities can arise within the space of weeks, so there is little use in getting bogged down about where I might be in twelve months’ time.

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How to: survive living with your parents

Moving back in with your parents after living independently during university I’d say is the most difficult part of the transition… (of course, finding a job is pretty damn hard, especially in these current corona times). Moving back to my childhood home for me was incredibly hard. Before moving to university, I had always doubted my ability to live independently, being the definition of a home bird, I expected it to be hell. But they were the BEST years of my entire life. Before university, I’d never really been away from my mum for longer than a week - struggling (yes, even as an adult) with separation anxiety whenever I was away from her.

What surprised me most was the fact I never once (genuinely!) experienced homesickness, this was possibly helped by the fact I had moved out with one of my best friends who started at the same university as me on the same degree course. In that time, I grew so much as a person, I learnt so much about myself - outside of my family’s influence (because we’ve always been so close and have lived together on the same estate all my life). I learnt my own beliefs, my own likes, my own dislikes, my own ways of viewing and reacting to things. I had a blast. Any time I returned home for a week or more, whilst it was nice to see my family - I was desperate to return to my space, my place of growth. Summers were always a struggle. In my final year, I kind of dreaded the fact I’d be moving back home for an indefinite amount of time (not having the funds to live independently).

I moved out of my childhood home as exactly that, a child, young and naive at 18. I left, an adult, my own person, at 21. The moment I stepped back in that door with three years of my life packed up and ready to unpack in a space that no longer connected with me, I was 18 again. My family hadn’t spent a lot of time with the person I had become at university, they saw me briefly for summers, christmas and some weekends, but they didn’t see the Rebecca I was away from them - who managed her own bills, worked alongside her degree, did her own weekly food shops, budgeted, drank with friends at the weekend, wrote for the student magazine, they didn’t see that I wasn’t the person I left.

I moved back home in July 2017 and am still at home to this day… and it’s been tough. And lockdown has only made it tougher - having to work from home and having barely any opportunities to escape. I have felt myself become more and more like the 18-year old I left behind.

I wanted to share some tips that have helped me navigate and survive the big move.

1) Establish your boundaries with your parent(s), remind them that you are a full-grown adult - just like them! Yes, you are still their child, but you are not a child. Boundaries could look like refusing to be told when to go to bed (yep, I’m still often told ‘don’t go to bed too late!), asking them to respect your privacy - knocking on your door rather than coming in uninvited. And just establishing some me-time where you’re not mithered.

2) If you are financially able to - pay your parents some rent, work out what is an acceptable amount. This has helped me to feel a little more independent - knowing that I am part of the upkeep of the house, rather than relying on my parents to pay for bills and food shopping.

3) Have open and honest conversations with them - if you’re feeling suffocated by them, or you’re feeling they’re not respecting your boundaries or the fact you are a whole ass adult, tell them. You are able to have adult conversations. Try your hardest not to revert back to a teenager in these moments aka ‘you’re sooo unfair, you don’t understand me!!! Life is soooo not fair’... leave that behind, the more you’re acting like a teenager, the easier it is for them to treat you like one - and the cycle continues.

4) Get. out. the. house. Go for a walk, have some time alone, meet your friends (of course, sticking to government guidelines in these times). Have something you do outside of the house that is for you and you alone.

5) Find ways to help around the house - become a housemate rather than the child. Would you have let your uni housemate cook tea for you every night, iron your clothes, wash your clothes, wake you up, change your bedding etc., nope, so don’t let your parent(s) do this. Yeah, it’s easier, but again, it’ll only reinforce the child-parent relationship, do your own goddamn ironing!

Living with your parent(s) whilst it might be tough, it’s also a real privilege and it’s important to acknowledge that. Some people aren’t that lucky. I am incredibly grateful that my mum allowed me to move back in, and isn't pushing me or rushing me to move, rather giving me the time to get everything in order before I flee the nest a second time. And don’t forget, it’s also equally as important to remember your parent(s) had those three years without you, they may have changed as well! They aren’t used to having you back around the house, so the more you work together on the move going smoothly, the easier it’s gonna be. Give your parents their own space, too. Don’t be disrespectful, respect their boundaries and any rules of their house. And you’ll survive it.

Meet: Sarah - Politics graduate (BA)

Insta: @sarahlostctrl / @identitypartyshop
Depop: https://www.depop.com/identityparty/

What degree did you graduate with and what year did you graduate?

I graduated with a politics BA from goldsmiths in 2018!

Has your experience of the ‘real world’ so far been positive or negative? 

It’s definitely been positive, I loved my degree but it was nice to get out of education after studying for so long and being totally in control of my time!

When did you first start selling clothes on Depop?
What was your motivation to start doing this? 

I first started selling clothes on depop in my first year of uni (2015), just old things I had to get a bit of extra cash! Then in my second year (2017) I set up my shop, I found 2 really beautiful dresses in a charity shop that weren’t really my style but I couldn’t leave behind so I put them on my depop and they sold in a few days... I loved finding cute clothes that had been discarded and giving them a new life with people who would treasure them so it slowly became my job!

How long has it taken for you to get the store following you have? 

I gained 20k followers in the first few months and since then it’s grown steadily to 85k!

What’s been the best thing about running your own little business? 

The best thing is definitely getting messages from people saying that my store has made them start buying second hand as opposed to new... I love the creative side of sourcing clothes but I also really want to transform the market and give people an accessible online platform that’s an alternative to fast fashion.

How have you coped with keeping your store going in these times of COVID-19? 

I’ve had to change things a little due to the virus, I’ve moved all my sourcing to online and cut down my posting to once a week. I’m a business customer with royal mail anyway so I’m able to drop off all my parcels so that cuts down contact which is good! I’m incredibly lucky that my business is online so I’ve still been able to keep it going with some alterations for safety!

When you were in university, is this where you would have expected to be? 

Definitely not, I always planned on going into more mainstream fashion and interned throughout my degree. As my shop grew I realised it would be viable to do it full time and I’m so passionate about it I decided to give it a go!

What advice would you give to someone who is going to be graduating in the summer? 

My advice would be not to worry that you need to come out of uni and go straight into your “career”- it can be really daunting but actually you don’t need to find a job for life because you can gain experience and build on what you’re doing. Do something you care about and enjoy
and see where it goes!